Aging can feel more mentally exhausting than ever — what you can do about it

(Aging Untold) — A lot of people assume that aging means life slows down. But for many older adults, the mental load only grows — more appointments, more health decisions, more family worries and the quiet question of what’s next?

The Aging Untold experts are sharing practical steps that can help lighten the load.

‘Lower your expectations’ — and other surprising advice

Amy O’Rourke, an aging expert, recalls asking a 90-year-old the secret to happiness.

Her response? “Lower your expectations,” O’Rourke said. She meant it as wisdom, not defeat.

O’Rourke said the comparison trap is one of the biggest energy drains older adults face.

“When I think about being 70, you can make it worse by thinking, ‘I’m not driving and my friend is driving. She’s doing this and I’m not doing that,’” O’Rourke said. “It makes you feel heavier. So let some things go.”

She framed it as a matter of intentional energy management.

“You miss the spiritual opportunity really just to be so much more intentional about where you’re going to put your energy,” O’Rourke said.

“You don’t have the energy you had 20 years ago. So where are you going to put it? Am I going to put it at my granddaughter’s concert, or am I going to put it at doing a load of laundry?” O’Rourke said.

“I’m going to my granddaughter’s concert,” Sam Cradduck, a gerontologist, said.

All the tabs are open — and the computer is slower

Aging is like running an older computer with too many browser tabs open at once, Dr. Rhea Rogers, a board-certified physician, said.

The processing speed slows, but the demands don’t.

Systems that weren’t built with older adults in mind

Older adults can feel frustrated while navigating healthcare, government services and technology — systems that often leave older adults behind.

Cradduck noted that the world often forgets the people who built it.

“Everything’s an automation. Everything’s a function. You can’t even walk into a fast-food restaurant anymore and talk to a human,” Cradduck said. “Just trying to get a doctor’s appointment — I’ve got to press nine to talk to a human and then the human’s never there.”

Cradduck added that the complexity of older adults’ lives is widely underestimated.

“People don’t realize just how complex an aged person’s life becomes,” Cradduck said. “You think they’ve retired and they’re just shooting rainbows and bubbles and life’s all fairy dust and it’s not. It’s got appointments, and it’s got ‘This hurts,’ and it’s got this pill and it’s got, ‘This kid is doing like this.’”

Katherine Ambrose, an aging-well coach, said her path into aging advocacy started when she watched real estate clients struggle.

“I could see our real estate clients really struggling with how to navigate through everything,” Ambrose said. “So, I thought, I want to learn more about Medicare and all the complexities of aging.”

Rogers pointed to a deeper issue: the loss of adaptability that comes with age.

“We used to have that adaptability, but as you get older you start to lose that adaptability. You don’t adapt as well,” Rogers said.

Six key takeaways

1. Let go of comparisons. Measuring your abilities against others — especially peers who seem to be doing more — adds unnecessary weight to daily life.
2. Lower your expectations strategically. Adjusting expectations isn’t giving up — it’s a practical path to contentment.
3. Prioritize energy like a finite resource. Consciously choose where your energy goes each day, favoring what matters most.
4. Acknowledge the real complexity. Later life involves medical appointments, medications, family dynamics and tasks that outsiders often underestimate.
5. Seek help navigating systems. From Social Security to healthcare scheduling, many systems are not designed with older adults in mind. Having someone step in to help navigate is not a weakness — it’s a necessity.
6. Stay anchored in positivity, adaptability and resourcefulness. Even in a fast-paced world, those three qualities remain reliable tools for aging well.